Letter to the Editor: Regarding the Electoral Immolation of this Publication’s Iniquitous Views

Dear Editor,

I do not wish to gloat, however, in the most cordial manner I must express my condolences to this publication after its ideas have been so resolutely defeated at the ballot box. I hope this result will give you some pause.

The Fenian bugle calls of your publication to “navigate the post-liberal space” have fallen on deaf ears. The Irish, despite their boorish disposition, have returned an excellent choice of government in Fine Gael. Regrettably, they have also chosen to return that country bumpkin republican party, Fianna Fáil.

I write to remind you that the liberal space has not fallen, and that the dithering fools your “movement” sought to send to parliament were defeated. I am grateful that none of your Micks shall have the opportunity to disgrace the institutions of this island any further with their presence.

Despite your publication’s self-proclaimed “inevitability” of its ideas in this country, I am delighted to say you have been thoroughly defeated by the very people whom you claim to speak for! Though I hold no sympathy for those whose politics and residencies are situated far beyond the Pale, they ought to be commended for their decision.

Oh how good it will be to see the wonderful cleansing of this island! Its inhabitants have come out of a dark tunnel and seen the light!

Some would say that Ireland is stuck between the Devil and the deep blue sea; that they would rather drown than accept the guiding hand of civilisation! I remind you that Ireland has chosen civilisation.

Warm regards,

Edmund Spenser