“God Bless England”
Those readers familiar with my output will know that I am sometimes joined by a leprechaun, appropriately named the Lep Con. I regret to inform you that my interlocutor has informed me via fax—a rather secure way of communicating, I might add—that he will not be joining me this month. He’s enjoying a little rest and relaxation—or is that zest and jactation?—in an unspecified country. So, I thought I might take this opportunity to share with my dear readers my version of a well-known Irish folksong.
Now Irishmen forget the past, (that’s why they joined the EU),
And think of the day that’s coming fast,
When we shall all be lobotomized,
Tongues clipped, arms chipped, and sanitized,
And the end of this nation realized.
So we say, “Go away” to cows and butter and evil ways.
“God Bless England” is a sarcasm-laden musical thank-you note to Great Britain. It was penned by Peadar Kearney. However, it is clear that in the 21st century his barbs are sorely misdirected and require a revamp to be made more relevant in this age of globalization. Hence, you have the modest offering above.
But, but, but, how stupid of me! How dare I produce such dreck! How dare I speak in endearing terms of those animated whoopie cushions and their artery-clogging output! Pass the corn oil and, if you can stand the stench, that old-time lamp fuel better known as “cottonseed oil.” If they don’t send me to Tír na nÓg before my time, I don’t know what will. Oh, and put “Kumbaya” on the turntable, will you?: I want to go out in style. Is that a lone-star tick I see?
Jack Napes is an Irish writer based in Tokyo. His creative output is nearly all political and social satire. Jack is featured in the picture to the right and is the diminutive one, of course. He is the author of “A Visit to the Parasitological Museum” (Number Eleven Magazine), “An Immodest Proposal” (Dodging the Rain), and the poem “The Fear-Itself Litany” (The Corbett Report Subscriber Newsletter), as well as the novella Travels with the Tribe: Killing Gravity in Woke Times, which is available from Kobo Writing Life, as a digital download for about the price of a can of beer in Tokyo. Help him buy a six pack. He also runs The Luckee Chumpz’ Blog at Writing.ie. Postings are made mid-month.